Member-only story
How To Move On When You Were An Unwanted Child
A child is clueless about the real power dynamics in a family. It can neither justify a care-gap, nor reason out unrequited love. Since it is impossible for the child to blame the parent — because the parent is the superior adult who is in charge of everything — the child has no other option but to blame themselves as the reason for a loveless existence.
Feeling unwanted as a child sets a deep neurosis in the adult mind. Karen Horney, in her book, Self Analysis (1942) developed the theory of all neuroses in humans. She spoke about 3 types of neuroses:
Towards People (attention seeking, need for validation, etc)
Against People (seeing everyone as an enemy, controlling, etc.)
Away from People (giving up on relationships and staying aloof, etc.)
You can read more about these here.
Now, an adult who felt unwanted as a child does not innately love itself. Nobody gave him any reassurance. So, he ends up being more needy in his personal relationships, and a people pleaser in society. The child in him knows that he needs to be rich, or subservient, or good looking, or important, or talented, or something-or-the-other and only then he can be worthy of love.
