Letting Go: Why You Can’t Do It and Why It Must Be Done
It’s not as simple as it sounds. Here’s why you can’t just snap out of it.
If you ask me the one constant problem everyone suffers through all of their lives, I’d say it’s letting go.
Habitually careening into bad relationships? Can’t let go of personality issues (low self-esteem, high ego, you know it).
Unable to ask for a promotion after years of hard work? Can’t let go of professional insecurity.
Always taken for granted by your family? Can’t let go of your ‘obedient child’ personality.
Consider this: At any point in life, we are usually standing at pivotal mental cross-roads where our choice substantially determines our future. Now, what’s really interesting about this whole thing is that almost always ~ we don’t make any choice.
Instead, we continue living life exactly the way we live, going through the motions every single day. Our issues don’t solve themselves out, obviously. Over the years, our initially maneouverable issues solidify into rock solid pillars lodged in our cores. Now that we can’t move them, we learn to skirt around them to get through the next day.
Unhappy, bland existence
When people complain about their life issues; I always prompt them to come up with a potential solution to their problems. This, of course, evokes different kinds of reactions in people, which, in itself is quite an indicator of the person’s overall well-being.
I’m not saying that people’s problems are lame. I’m saying the opposite. People’s problems are compelling. So, then why is it that they still don’t get around to solving their biggest life problems. Why ever not?
Of all the material greeds and the clothes that you’re never going to wear.
Of the shallow attitude of being impressed by somebody’s fancy watch than by their wit.
Of waiting for them to like and awww your FB page.
Of the hot wax drops on your heart when your friends choose someone else over you.
Of the guy for whom you’re not enough but you can’t get enough of.
Of judging everyone by the same scale. Actually, judging everyone.
Of all the little hurts and angers that you still keep close to your heart.
Of the walls you build up because someone hurt you in the past
Of being unkind to your colleagues because the office sucks.
Of generally being unkind because you got it bad. As if they’ve got it good.
Of giving too much of a shit to idiots around you.
Of getting bothered by things that really don’t matter in the long run.
Of the small little grudges that are stacking up.
Of keeping score.
Of not being able to forgive the girl who cheated on you.
Of not letting go of the people who moved on.
Of blaming yourself that you never did enough for your parents.
Of repenting over all the lost opportunities.
Of trying to make someone love you.
Why can’t you let go?
Because one, it is terrifying. What you can’t let go of becomes your personality. It’s your comfort zone. You have learnt to weave your way around your pettiness and self-pity; and flag it as an excuse to get out of situations that would otherwise require owning up. If you let go of your insecurity about money, or finding love, or whatever else ~ then there’ll be nothing to hide behind anymore.
And two, it takes excruciating mental courage to take onus for yourself. It’s far easier to give up; stay angry or betrayed; perched atop some moral high ground; or wallow in pain and morbidity, blaming the World for doing us wrong.
Why You Should Let Go
A big part of doing soemthing life-altering is understanding the why behind it. The ‘why’ behind any solution makes any insufferable task worth enduring.
So, it’s like this.
You’re wading through a jungle and you have to cross a river. It’s cold, and you don’t want to damp your boots. So, you decide to walk along the river until you reach a bottleneck. You start treading beside the river.
Now that the river is riding right alongside you, the gushing water becomes more intimidating with every step you take. Its sound roars inside your chest, and you keep losing the courage to cross it.
Slowly, you lose your vision and continue ambling along the river until its dark. Its night, and you are nowhere closer to your destination. But you’re tired of the river raging beside you, so you decide to sleep next to it.
You wake up in the morning, and somehow the river looks even wider and scarier. That’s because you’re tired and hungry from an extra day’s walking. And you’ve exposed your psyche to the danger of the river for that much longer.
You stamp your foot. Yell at the river. Hurl stones and twigs into it. You’re lost, scared and annoyed.
But. Nothing changes. And you’re tiring yourself out on useless activities.
Sound familiar?
It becomes pertinent at this point, to ask ourselves whether we wasting our living our lives distracted by our grudges, and simply acting in emotionally reactive manners. And is that a strategy worth sticking to? Because, seriously, what other option do you really have except letting go so that you can reclaim yourself, your unadulterated self.
For how long can you afford staring at the white mess billowing between you and your objective? Sure, its going to be much more challenging now that its been magnified to ballistic levels.
But the fact remains ~ you need to cross the river.
If you’re like me; you’d stop your mental chatter and just do it. Hike up your pants and get into the water. Wade, cling, pant, scream, and kick your way to the other side.
Letting go is an intangible, internal process.There’s no definite method to it. Its like solving a Jedi-level jigsaw of your past, present and future. You solve it over time; with patience, mental deliberation, facing your shame, and lots of sighing.
This is the first post in a series I’m writing on Letting Go. The next post is going to include practices on how to let go.
