The Real Reason Why Self-Help Is Not Working For You
There is a lot of shit out there about How To Live Your Best Life, and 5 Ways To Be Super Successful lah-di-da. A lot of it is shit. Believe me, some of it really works though.
The reason why the cauldron of ‘self-help’ genre is overflowing is because that’s how much it bothers people. Depression, insomnia, addiction, loneliness, boredom, negative thinking, anxiety, phew.
If you’ve been touched by any of these, you know I’m right when I point out that mental suffering fills us with an urgent desperation. Suddenly, we’re willing to try out everything. Read every book on positive thinking. Subscribe to random self-awareness courses. Power Yoga. Morning Pages. 5 AM Club. Manifestation. 21 Days of Habit Forming. Active Meditation. Running. Baking (Baking?)
Everything.
I’ve done some of this stuff too. I read a lot on mental health and human psychology. Some of it did help me overcome issues. I also do Yoga ~ actually, that’s more of a work-out thing. I journal regularly (mostly because I love writing with a real pen). Etcetera.
A critical observation about every single piece of self-help you have ever tried your hand at is this: Ultimately, it comes down to you.
Most successful people might think it was a book or some documentary that changed their thinking. That’s not entirely true.
Any good piece of self-help can only show you the way. After that, it’s your job to soak it, practice it, walk on the burning coals of ‘self-discovery’ and ‘answering difficult questions’.
Tell me something: does reading the recipe book get the meal on your table? Or, does watching workout videos on Youtube make you fitter?
That’s the crucial connection we all miss, and its a big miss. We read these game-changing mental strategies on Medium. We nod our heads in appreciation and share some on Facebook. We pick up our loaded nachos, and get back to Netflix and Chill.
So, here’s some honest truth for you. Self-help starts with ‘self’ for a damn good reason. But you forget that, and expect Mark Manson to first tell you how Not-Giving-A-Fuck is going to change your life, and then go ahead and Not-Give-A-Fuck on your behalf.
Basically, you’re reading great content. But you’re living an ordinary life.
The biggest enemy of self-help is the Self.
So, how do you make self-help work for you?
Number One: Imbibe it into your daily life
I am a Top Writer on Quora. This impresses some people. A lot of these people ask me for advice on how to become a good writer. Here’s what most people don’t notice though. To become a Top Writer, you need to write good quality answers. And to write good quality answers; you need to write. Sure, you could learn some tips from me or Stephen King, but ultimately, it’s comes down to you picking up the pen.
Number Two: Be consistent about it
It took me 3 years to become a Top Writer on Quora. Three years of tenacious, well-researched, time-consuming writing. Back in the day, I spent atleast a couple of hours each day on Quora. Today, I continue to dedicate 4 hours a week to Quora.
I’m also very interested in calligraphy. My skill is basic though, and I am pretty sure I won’t improve next year. Ask me why.
Because the amount of time and energy I dedicate to my calligraphy skill is ZERO. I don’t practice. Ergo, I won’t get better. Simple as that.
What you don’t practice doesn’t grow. So, if your biggest problem is that self-help is a hoax; remember: the word starts with ‘self’.
